Friday night in the Spenard store is usually my favorite shift. The guy I close with is cut from the same personality cloth as I am, and so the duties are equally balanced and there never is a dull moment as we harass each other and make lightearted jabs at each others' expense. He runs the stockroom, keeping our clientele swimming in fifths of liquor and bottles of wine while I run the register counter and feed the tobacco addiction as well as the alcohol sales.
"I hope you don't mind," my coworker says, "but I just hate running the register while you're around, because I don't do anything. I can be sitting here ready to ring someone up, but there's always a line waiting for you because you sparkle so much."
It's true. I have a bright and shining personality and people are attracted to it. I'm like an electric bug zapper, fun to look at, but possibly lethal if you get too close to the light. The shiny happiness can be gone if you mess with me or my store, and while we were starting to go into our nightly cleaning routine, the shiny happiness faded as the man I had just been talking to about our vodka selection ran out of the store with a bottle tucked under his arm. We ran to the door after him, but by the time we were outside the store he was nowhere to be seen. I yelled after him as he ran out of the store, and fumed quietly when he got away with his prize.
Really? You're going to steal from us when I have a very good description of you from talking to you for at least two minutes? When every camera in the store has gotten a good look at your face? When the company I work for has a 90% conviction rate on shoplifters and robberies? Good idea, buddy. Let's just see what you got away with, and we'll see if the jail time and fines are going to be worth it....
...a plastic bottle of Smirnoff vodka. That's it? That's what you risk jail time and a criminal record for? Honestly, if you are going to steal from a liquor store, why not at least steal something good?? Why not take off with that bottle of Grey Goose vodka? Or, for that matter, if Smirnoff is really what you are after, why only grab the fifth in plastic when there's a 1.75 liter bottle sitting right next to it, also plastic?
Maybe it's because I don't have a criminal mind. My scheming is always civil in nature and usually plots the downfall of my many social rivals or the eventual unraveling of society as we know it, but I just don't understand the drive to steal something of a sub par quality when there's much better stuff to choose from.
White male, 6'`1" or 6'2", dark hair with streaks of grey, unshaven but not with an actual beard. Slender build, straight nose, bluish green eyes. Darker complexion, looks like he spends a lot of time in the sun because the skin on his face is weathered. Wearing blue jeans and a black jacket, possibly Carhartt in origin. If you see this man, ask him if he likes Smirnoff vodka. If he does, kick him in the leg for me for making me run across the parking lot for no damn reason.
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